How 22 Really Feels

Something about my birthday makes me want to start writing again.

I say this as if I’ve ever really stopped writing, but I've recently been thinking about how long it's been since I've written anything for this blog. Each time that I set a goal to become more consistent with my posting, something falls through the cracks: my creative well runs dry, I don’t have any interesting experiences to take inspiration from, or life just gets super busy and journaling ranks lower in my list of priorities.

What is it about my birthday, though? This time last year, I had a laundry list of things to reminisce and reflect on after turning 21. But as it turns out, being a 22-year-old is just as boring as everyone warned me it would be. Despite how much Taylor Swift hyped it up in her song all those years ago (and Mandy sure didn’t let my birthday pass without playing it for me at least two times), I can’t help but acknowledge that my birthday now just marks being another year closer to 30. And that definitely doesn’t sound like much fun.

So if I wasn’t particularly excited about my birthday this year, what compelled me to start writing, then?

If you’re familiar with my last post, you may remember how frustrated I was with the job search process. For the first few weeks after graduation, my mornings went something like this: cook breakfast, sit on the couch, ask my dad to get me another cup of coffee while he refills his own, watch music videos on CMT — but sometimes also YouTube if CMT wasn’t up to par that day.

While I loved spending time with my dad (both of my parents, really), and of course loved being handed coffee without having to get up, I can’t say it was the productive routine I initially had in mind to kick off my entrance into the “real world.”

As this summer has flown by, though, this is no longer my situation, and now I often have to drink my coffee at 6:30 every morning alone. Shockingly enough, my birthday this year might have been even more indicative of a major milestone than last year. The thrill of being able to legally order a drink with dinner has since worn off, and this time around, I was really only reminded that I’m still getting used to the various demands of working a full-time job.

Maybe I selfishly love the attention that comes every August 9th, or maybe I’ve just grown accustomed to the zero obligations that comes with having a summer birthday. Whatever the case may be — my parents responded with a hard “no” when I asked if it was socially acceptable to request to work from home on my birthday this year. Like a real grown up, I woke up to the sound of my alarm, tried to look cuter than usual, and drove just about 50 minutes to where I’d sit for the next eight hours.

I wish I could go back and tell that bored version of myself three months ago that the stars would align eventually, and that I’d get a job much sooner than I initially expected. In fact, not even an hour after uploading my last blog about job rejection, I received my first offer from a company I had been interviewing with — the company where I'm now happy to be employed at.

Come mid-June, I was frantically online shopping for business-appropriate clothing and scanning a stack of documents into HR to prep for my upcoming start date. My mom insisted on buying me a new lunch bag to take to work each day (somehow we ended up with three?) and I kissed my leisurely morning routine goodbye for at least five days out of the week.

Over the past (almost) two months now, I’ve been working in a marketing and communications role at Living Branches, a continuing care retirement community in Souderton, PA. Maybe you’ve never heard of the term "CCRC" and have no idea of where Souderton is, and frankly, I hadn’t either until two months ago. Essentially, I perform a number of communications-related tasks for a group of assisted living communities near Lansdale - much closer to Philly than where my hometown is. For Living Branches in particular, this includes creating internal newsletters, posters, memos, and email blasts, as well as working with external vendors such as freelance photographers and web designers to maintain the company’s website, produce promotional publications, etc. It really just depends on the day and specific project I’m working on to determine how I’ll spend my eight hour shift.

The most interesting thing about working for Living Branches is that the organization is guided by the Mennonite tradition. I was previously unaware that this way of life really even existed outside of Lancaster, but lo and behold, there’s a significant Mennonite presence in parts of Bucks and Montgomery Counties, too.

No — I don’t get stuck behind horse-and-buggies on my way to work, and I actually hardly ever see residents dressed in what you’d describe as traditional Amish-style clothing. Not all residents nor employees at Living Branches are Mennonites, and from my understanding, there’s more of an emphasis on religious beliefs among this local population than any drastic lifestyle differences. It’s still fun to watch others' reactions when I tell them I work for Mennonites, though.

I’m really thankful for the opportunity I’ve earned, and generally happy with my decision to work here, but I’d be lying if I said that I haven’t been overwhelmed by the learning curve at times.

A part of it stems from the industry I now work in. For starters, I have little-to-no background in healthcare, the aging process, or working with senior adults. When combined with having to understand Mennonites’ beliefs, I felt like a bit of a foreigner in my new position, which isn’t particularly settling. As to be expected, I also experienced the typical first-day jitters, anxiety about meeting co-workers, overall fear of messing up, etc.

Luckily, a lot of this nervousness has gotten better in time. With each day comes the chance to learn a little bit more about Living Branches and the skillset needed to perform my job. However, the hardest part of the entire process still remains: adjusting to a new schedule that takes up just about 10 hours of my day.

It’s not the hours I spend at my desk, the drive to-and-from the office, or even the act of packing my lunch every night that makes me unhappy. I guess it’s the amount of effort all of these things require collectively, and more specifically the resulting lack of free time that’s been getting me down lately.

According to my dad, this is why so many songs glorify weekends: the 48-hour time frame to let loose, be productive, or do absolutely nothing at all. And so, I chose to maximize my summer accordingly, and planned quick trips to places like Boston, New York City, Philly, and back out to State College. Yet somewhere along the way, I realized that busy weekends can be exhausting, and by Sunday night, I’m dreading the work week that lies ahead.

What am I supposed to do, though? Never have another fun, action-packed weekend with my friends again?

That pretty much brings me to where I am now — trying to find a balance between being hardworking and attentive in the office and resuming hobbies that I used to enjoy pursuing on my own. I don’t want to become so fixated on my job that I lose parts of my identity. Conversely, I don’t want to fixate on the weekends so much that every Monday through Friday is miserable.

I’m learning that this is all part of what growing up entails, and I must’ve been a fool to think that this experience of trying new things, pushing the limits of my comfort zone, and being uncertain about what the future holds was a one-time thing after college ended.

The truth is, I don't excitedly jolt out of bed every morning, I don’t frequent the gym nearly as much as I did three months ago, and I don’t know when I’ll be able to afford to move out on my own. Getting a job didn’t automatically solve all my problems (like I previously thought it would), it just created a whole new set of questions that I now get to work through in this next year of life.

Maybe Taylor Swift wasn’t so wrong when she said that this age is about being, “happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time.” Here’s to making the most out of 22, and to moving forward in both my professional and personal life.