So, I Didn’t Get The Job

Identity is an interesting thing.

For a long time now, I’ve thought of myself as an overachiever. From an early age, my parents said that I didn’t need much encouragement to do my work, as I was often harder on myself than they could ever be on me. The very thought of procrastinating on a project or forgetting to do my homework was enough to make me sick to my stomach. Needless to say, I've always enjoyed school (for the most part).

But over the past few weeks or so, I’ve been experiencing a bit of an identity crisis. Who am I beyond receiving grades and report cards each semester? Without a job or any work to do at the moment, what do I do now?

Since the initial high of graduating has worn off, I’m braving an entirely new storm: one where rejection is more common and resilience is a requirement. Just when I feel at-ease about not having set plans after graduation, or excited about some job opening I've found, it seems like something will fall through the cracks and take a toll on my self-esteem.

In the time that I’ve been home so far, I’ve been asked, “so, how’s the job search going?” by distant relatives and close friends alike. The short answer? I try not to roll my eyes, but instead take a deep breath and shrug my shoulders: "it’s going." In reality, I’ve spent several months now scrolling through Indeed and LinkedIn, and filtering through emails that Penn State’s College of Communications sends out in pursuit of finding a job. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve revised my resume, rewritten cover letters, or refreshed my email inbox. It’s been time-consuming, frustrating, and nothing short of an exhausting process.

If I’m being real, my inner perfectionist kicks myself every time I don’t hear back from a company and/or receive word that they’ve decided to “pursue other candidates” for a position. I’ve learned that this isn't easy to digest, especially when I’ve invested several weeks into communicating back-and-forth with hiring managers, or have made trips in-person to an office. I worked hard in school and the payoff was usually positive and rewarding, so why hasn’t this process been the same for the job market?

My emotions have been all over the place, and my confidence has wavered thanks to a ruthless voice in the back of my head: one that likes to remind me of past failed attempts. Being sad, discouraged, and pessimistic about my future are qualities that I never hoped would become a part of my identity.

Being in this place has also made me second guess a lot of the things I’ve done. To sit down and speak candidly — to share a lot of my life — with interviewers is crushing when nothing comes out of it. At the end of the day, I know that with each interview and application (even if it goes nowhere) comes more experience and learning lessons, but it doesn’t offer much solace in the meantime. Being patient is a lot easier said than done.

Recently, I interviewed with the president of an advertising agency and at the conclusion of the conversation, it was my turn to ask a few questions. When I asked for advice that he’d give a young professional like myself starting off in the field, he shared a speech that he had given at college campuses in the past.

He began telling me about his philosophy on the word “no,” which he saw as an acronym for new opportunities. He explained that humans tend to associate this word with feeling as if we've done something bad, just like we were probably told as toddlers not to touch a hot stove or not to eat things off the ground. As we grow up, however, he pointed out that the meaning behind this word changes. Being told “no” by a former colleague is what gave him the courage to start his own business; being told by “no” by a former girlfriend allowed him to meet his current wife and create his family. Long story short: everything that he was so thankful to have in his life now was made possible by being told "no" at some point prior.

In hindsight, maybe I should’ve seen this whole spiel as foreshadowing or some terrible omen that I wasn’t going to get the job. Regardless of the outcome, though, I try to remember his words when I'm down.

Could all of this rejection mean that a better opportunity is out there waiting to present itself?

When I'm feeling particularly optimistic, I believe that this could be true. Yet, I still can't deny how tiring the process remains for now. Until what's meant to be decides to work itself out for me, you can find me at home, probably either writing or dying of boredom, all while trying to still feel productive. If anyone reading this is a recent college grad, or can relate in one way or another to feeling stagnant in their career: you're not alone! I hope that others my age are having much better luck, but I fear that this adjustment is inevitable and difficult for many.

Here's to being (or trying to be, at least) patient instead of pessimistic, resilient instead of reluctant to keep trying, and confident instead of self-conscious.