The Year Wasn't Over Yet

This time last year, I dreaded the year ahead of me. For no reason other than it being one of enormous change - from graduating to getting a job and everything in between - I braced myself for 2021 to be a long 12 months.

And in my defense, I wasn’t off to the greatest start. Whether it was a self-fulfilling prophecy or bad luck, or likely a combination of the two, the first few months of the year were rough to say the least. Although if I learned anything from locking myself out at least five times that semester, it’s that I should take accountability for my own recklessness here and there.

At the time there was nothing I could do but call my dad (who became less and less sympathetic each time I stood stranded in my hallway) and promise myself that I’d triple check for my keys whenever I left next. What I didn’t realize then was that the year wasn’t over yet, and I still had 10 more months or so to make things right.

I somehow managed to survive the next few months, and with graduation getting closer and closer, I became more and more invested in applying to jobs. There was a company in Harrisburg and then an advertising agency in Lancaster that I had my hopes set on. I traded in going out for spending nights in to research, rehearse interview questions, and re-write my cover letter.

Rejection was a normal part of the process, I’d try to remind myself. I mentioned in a previous blog post that I had been told in one of interviews that the word “no” can be viewed as an acronym for “new opportunities.” I had only seriously interviewed for two or three companies so far, but I couldn’t get it through my head that the year wasn’t over yet. I’d tell myself that there must be a better opportunity waiting, but my confidence wasn’t all there and my patience was growing thin.

After months of galavanting throughout downtown State College, my friends and I eventually began exploring surrounding towns that had neat wineries and breweries. On the rare occasion that the weather was nice, we even began setting up shop in the tiniest strip of grass outside of my apartment. With a folding table and speaker, we played beer die and other games right next to the dumpsters (we couldn’t care less though), and stayed there until it got too cold or was too dark to watch a pong ball fly through the air.

Time didn’t slow down - not for job interviews, not for finals, not for anything - and I said goodbye to the people I had spent the last four years with before I had a chance to process all that was going and all that was about to change. I was convinced that I’d never see them again, but the year wasn’t over yet, and only time would tell that we’d all see each other when Penn State played Rutgers in football several months later.

Time still hasn’t slowed down, and now a whole year has passed since I became so intimidated by how “big” of a year 2021 would be. There were moments where I felt just as anxious, lonely, disappointed, guilty, and unsure of myself that I had initially anticipated. From month to month I thought my experiences had been terrible, and no part of me considered that I might end this year feeling more happy and healthy than ever.

The interesting thing though is that year wasn’t over - truly over - until this past Saturday, and I’ve had a similar blog post written and ready to be uploaded for more than a month now. I talked about the year that I had, or thought that I had, and how I was ready to start off the new year on a much better foot than the previous one.

When I wrote this initial year-in-review post, I couldn’t have possibly known that the last month of 2021 would play out the way that it did. From having a quarantined Christmas to a new story in my repertoire involving a can of Natty Light, I’m glad that the words in that first post never saw the light of day. The year wasn’t over yet, and the best thing I could’ve possibly done for myself is wait for it to end before starting a new chapter.

Hoping 2022 brings much-needed health, happiness, and healing!!!